Double Standards driving you crazy??!!? - Yep I've experienced it!

When Justifying Yourself Becomes the Norm

Have you ever been in a situation where you're constantly expected to explain yourself, while the other person never has to do the same? You're probably left feeling frustrated and want to pull your hair out because of how they've made you feel with their ignorance.

Over the years, through countless life experiences, whether with family, friends, colleagues, or even in random encounters, I've seen this pattern show up repeatedly. One rule seems to apply to them, and another entirely different one to me.

Each time it happens, it hits a nerve. And I’ll be honest: I’ve reacted emotionally. It’s deeply frustrating when someone believes they can treat you a certain way, but the moment you mirror that same energy back to them, suddenly you become the problem.

What I’ve come to learn is that people like this often operate from a fixed mindset. They might carry a sense of entitlement, shaped by how they were raised, their life experiences, or even something as simple as their age or position. Many feel justified in their actions but completely overlook the impact of those actions on others. And when their behavior is mirrored or questioned, it threatens their narrative, one where they are always right.

How I Handled It (and What It Taught Me)

Let me share a personal example.

There was a time in my life when certain relationships came with unspoken expectations, ones I didn’t always have the capacity to meet. During some of my most emotionally turbulent seasons, like after my divorce when I was focused on healing and rebuilding, it became clear that my priorities were shifting. I was navigating a new chapter and learning to balance my time and energy differently.

Looking back, I can see that some people may have felt disappointed or even hurt by that shift. And while I didn’t always meet those expectations, I genuinely tried. I took on the feedback, adjusted where I could, and continued to make an effort, for a long time.

Fast forward to 2024/2025. My world changed. I became a parent to a beautiful baby girl, and she transformed my entire existence. One look at her could melt my heart. She was, and is, my whole world.

I assumed, perhaps a little hopefully, that becoming a parent would naturally shift some of the dynamics in my relationships. That the same energy I had once poured into others might now be extended toward me and my child. I thought there would be more mutual understanding, more effort, more presence.

But things didn’t unfold the way I had imagined.

Even after expressing how things felt from my side, the changes I had hoped for didn’t come. And over time, I came to understand something important: not everyone is able to meet us in the ways we expect, or even see the situation through the same lens. And that’s okay.

The Deeper Lesson

The real challenge wasn’t them, it was my own expectations. I had allowed this dynamic to continue for far too long. I let someone else define how I spent my time, energy, and emotions. But when it came time for them to do the same, I was met with silence, or worse, justification.

That experience taught me something I wish I could tell my younger self:

“You don’t owe people constant access to your time, energy, or life, especially when it comes at the cost of your peace. Do what makes you happy, because more often than not, your sacrifices won’t be acknowledged, let alone appreciated. We only get one life, don’t live it for others who wouldn’t do the same for you.”

Setting boundaries isn’t selfish, it’s self-respect. It’s the only way to protect your peace and honor your worth, especially when others fail to do so.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this and how you manage double standards. Have you experienced similar challenges? Are there moments you’re proud of? Share your stories and insights on a social media post and tag me in it @theindianlifecoach. Let’s continue to learn and grow together.

Continue to choose you and protect your time & energy. 🌟